July is Officially the Craziest Month of My Life

So if you guys do not know by now what happened to me in the past month, then that must mean you’re new here to onlyakiss.net! In that case, grab a tissue because this is going to be heart wrenching. And for those of you who know what’s been happening, this is going to be my final thoughts on the subject that you will probably ever hear about in my blog.

So on June 30^th, my grandfather in Chile died. Because of my lack of passport (my fault) I was unable to go. I had to stay home without a license (also my fault), take care of my cancerous cats (I’ll get to that in a minute) and also go to work which was a 2 hour bus ride away.

July started off with a kick, having to wake up at 6am, leave my house by 7am only to arrive at work at 9am. Then if I didn’t leave work early enough I would miss a bus, and next thing you know, it’s 6:30 and I’ve missed the last stop for the bus that gets closest to my house. So I have to take another bus that gets me a 30 minute walk away from home. Did I mention this whole time it was raining?

That was a rough week for me, but then we get to the cancerous cats. That’s right, I said catS, meaning both of my childhood pets had terminal cancer. On July 17 we put down Rosco, the cat I went to the pet store and picked out myself. He had a tumour in his jaw and it had gotten to the point where he couldn’t eat anymore. He wasn’t ready to go, we could all tell when we took him to the vet. But we had no choice.

Then after we put Rosco down, my other cat, Felix got considerably worse. He was around 16 years old and because of his age he was more susceptible to kidney disease. Then on top of that, he also had a mass around his stomach and a tumour in his eye. They never really knew what type of cancer he had, I’m pretty sure they suspect it was some form of leukemia. In less than a week after Rosco went Felix degenerated to the point where he couldn’t move. It was so painful for him to walk or even stand that all he would do is just sit in the same place all day.

So the following Thursday, six days after Rosco left us we went to put down Felix. We went to the same room, put Felix down in the same spot and went through the exact same motions we did when we put down Rosco. It was so eerie how similar it was. But then after we put down Felix I noticed something I didn’t see in Rosco. Felix looked peaceful. Felix was ready to go, he was suffering and now he was no longer in pain. That moment was probably the most uplifting for me as I knew from then I could start healing. That the worst was gone.

And starting from that night I began to pray every night. I’m Roman Catholic and up until now I’ve never really been religious. Most of my faith had come from my grandmother and aunt’s blind faith in God. But now, after all this has happened I really feel like that I have no choice but to believe in God, or at least believe that there is some sort of higher power.

After the month that I had I simply refuse to believe that all the bad things that managed to happen to me in a span of three weeks is chance. That it was just random doings that were coincidental. If I were to believe in that then I would see no point in believing in humanity and the world as a whole. So my only option is to believe that something good has come out of all of this. That there is a reason that both my cats, my close family died within a week of each other. That my grandfather died, leaving my family in turmoil. There has to be a reason. There just has to.

So now that July is finally over I feel like I can move on. Although it is sort of hard when in the past two days you have dreamed that your cats were alive and well. That they still jumped on your bed and assaulted your face with theirs in an attempt to wake you up. That they were still outside in the backyard just enjoying the warmth and the freedom.

But hey I got to look on the bright side of things. In the past month I have done more brainstorming and more general plot ideas for my novels than I have done in months. I feel like it’s gotten to the point where I can be proud of what I’ve thought of. I have also realized that I have no choice but to write; that I wouldn’t be Karol if I wasn’t a writer as well. I’m still going to pursue Software Engineering, but I’m going to have an English minor attached to it.

So now all I can do is try to move on. Try to do what I think is best for me at this point in time and hope that it is the right decision. After all if July has taught me anything worth value, it’s that life can turn on you at any given point, so you need to turn on it first. You need to decide what you’re going to do, and not let life drag you around until you die.